[MC1171611]

Originally Posted by JOHN G

Hey ya'll,
There is a great study out there by Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs called Love and Respect(www.loveandrespect.com). It is based on Eph 5.25-33. I am no pro at marriage (4yrs) by any stretch but the study was extremely helpful. Men are commanded to love their wives and wives are commanded to reverence (respect) their husbands. When men come across unloving, women tend to react disrespectfully and visa versa. Then the "crazy cycle" starts. However, the cycle "works" in the positive direction as well. Read Eph. 5 and check out the website.
In Christ
JMG

Yes, that is an awesome book...he's not King James only, but as far as good, practical marital advice, you can't beat that. It's funny, though; beginning to read through that book, I had already learned everything he talked about in practice, if not in term, by watching my parents interact and how they loved each other. Unfortunately most people don't have the tremendous blessing of growing up in a family with parents like mine, so Love and Respect is an incredible tool to help get a marriage back on track. Coupled with some pastoral counseling, it's almost unbeatable.

[Luke]

I think that's wives in general bro :P

My wife and I get mad at each other. Sometimes for example, I am thoughtless and just take myself off for a drive to find a nice place to speak to God. These times tend to come on in a hurry, usually while I am out doing something else, like grocery shopping, and instead of taking 40 minutes, I take 2 hours, and I get told off because my wife worries where I have been and we get in big arguments about it.

Regardless of her salvation status at the moment, it sounds like you both need to be more involved with each other. Why didn't you just go to the shop with your wife and son. Maybe invite your wife and son to go look for a new car with you (I realise you have seen the error of this move, so I'm not trying to upset you). I'm not implying the problem is you, but it's not all her fault ether.

The Biblical "onus" is definitely on you to make the first move of reconciliation, regardless of her response, and don't give up if she reponds wrongly.

God bless
Will pray for you Bro.

[Disciple]

We all stand in this world challenged by our role in the ongoing battle between good and evil. No one, and I mean no one, can understand your struggles except you and God. There is ample evidence that discord among non-believing spouses could result in separation (see 1 Corinthians 7:14-17) because "God hath called us to peace." (v. 15). The Book of Proverbs says "It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman." (Proverbs 21:19)

As the surviving spouse of a verbally and physically abusive marriage, I encourage you to read your Bible, seek Christian counseling, pray with your wife, pray with your wife, and pray with your wife. My spouse would not pray with me and condemned virtually everything about me because of my Bible, prayer, and church activities for many many years along with tons of other verbal and physical abuse. I pray that you will leave the material arguments behind, seek out your wife's companionship in your Christian endeavors, and at the very least eat dinner together at which time you lead a family prayer.

At the end of the day, only you can decide with God's input whether or not your marriage gives glory to God. God hate's divorce, yet at the same time He implores us not to judge one another. I encourage all the other brothers and sisters here to imagine that your world cannot be neatly described in their terms within the context of this thread. If they choose to take one verse from the Bible and make it absolute, then perhaps they should be willing to live by them all as well. Should they be so confident they stand pure in the face of the Law on their own, I would suggest the first one without sin step forward and throw the first stone.

May God bless you in your journey. Whatever your path, it is yours and yours alone. Take it seriously. I did.

If she will pray with you, do it constantly. As long as you argue over money or possessions, though, there is ample evidence you both need to change the focus a bit.

[chette777]

God Knows Best. Men tend to be busy and neglect to love their wives as they should hence the reminder in Ephesians. and women at times, which are many during their cycletic months of life, often don't FEEL like they love their husbands. it is their nature to rely on their emotions. so God tells them even if you don't feel you love them respect them. hence his command for them to show reverence to their husbands because God knows us better then we want to admit.

[MrSmith]

Originally Posted by Luke

I think that's wives in general bro :P

My wife and I get mad at each other. Sometimes for example, I am thoughtless and just take myself off for a drive to find a nice place to speak to God. These times tend to come on in a hurry, usually while I am out doing something else, like grocery shopping, and instead of taking 40 minutes, I take 2 hours, and I get told off because my wife worries where I have been and we get in big arguments about it.

Regardless of her salvation status at the moment, it sounds like you both need to be more involved with each other. Why didn't you just go to the shop with your wife and son. Maybe invite your wife and son to go look for a new car with you (I realise you have seen the error of this move, so I'm not trying to upset you). I'm not implying the problem is you, but it's not all her fault ether.

The Biblical "onus" is definitely on you to make the first move of reconciliation, regardless of her response, and don't give up if she reponds wrongly.

God bless
Will pray for you Bro.

OK. This is what took place.

Oh Yeah, I know. Im not saying anything at all is her fault. I put all blame on me. I just want to be forgiven.

after i told her I was thinking of getting a new car, she said. ok. as long as its not a mini van. for a few days I looked on line and pointed out a few cars I had in mind, I asked her for advice on making payments, she went with me to test drive the one i was getting. she told me in her words to check out a few credit unions to find out good loans. I went to a credit union, and I qualified for the loan. BEFORE i went to sign the papers to get the car. I asked her ("Am I doing the right thing") her word were " would you go get the car" from that day until now. Im the scum of the earth, because she wasnt included in the purchase. She didnt sign the papers with me. she said "Im upset, everything I have has your name on it, I dont have anything with my name alone" I DO UNDERSTAND NOW that she should have signed with me, but its now to late. i feel bad. why cant she forgive me. I didnt kill anyone. I bought a stupit car.

[chette777]

Mr Smith,

I am an experienced senior pastor. and I have seen these signs in your marriage before with other couples.

I think you and your wife need to see a local Minister and sit down and talk. it is good to get advice from us. But from your last post you are having severe marital strain and you need to get together with her and resolve the issues and figure out how not to do them again. from someone in your area.

If you can say where your located I might be able to point you in the right direction. I wouldn't worry at this point if the Minister is KJV or not. you guys need some serious Bible and prayer time together and counseling .

if you can tell your wife that you recognize that their is a severe problem with your marriage and ask if she is willing to try and work things out. ask her to suggest a counselor I would try to steer here away from secular counseling. but maybe let her pick which church and minister she might feel comfortable with in your area. do this in your local area is the only way not through the internet.

we here will be praying for you.

[Tmonk]

My wife and I are both saved and baptized regular church going members. But that doesn't stop the differences between men and women.

Also, see Fireproof. Good couples movie.

[stephanos]

Originally Posted by chette777

Mr Smith,

I am an experienced senior pastor. and I have seen these signs in your marriage before with other couples.

I think you and your wife need to see a local Minister and sit down and talk. it is good to get advice from us. But from your last post you are having severe marital strain and you need to get together with her and resolve the issues and figure out how not to do them again. from someone in your area.

If you can say where your located I might be able to point you in the right direction. I wouldn't worry at this point if the Minister is KJV or not. you guys need some serious Bible and prayer time together and counseling .

if you can tell your wife that you recognize that their is a severe problem with your marriage and ask if she is willing to try and work things out. ask her to suggest a counselor I would try to steer here away from secular counseling. but maybe let her pick which church and minister she might feel comfortable with in your area. do this in your local area is the only way not through the internet.

we here will be praying for you.

I would not be letting an unregenerate woman decide where one gets biblical "councelling". Also, a "Minister" being KJV only IS a huge issue. I'm not going to list all the reasons why, since I'd imagine you'd know the reasons why.

Anywho, some folks sure are all bent out of shape about getting you two into councelling, but I'm not sure that's what you two need. I'm not even sure that's the job of the pastor of a church.

The point is is that your wife is an unsaved sinner. She is likely not going to want to hear what ANY pastor says. What's going to speak to her are actions, and consistency. MrSmith, you need to be strong and unwavering in your faith towards Christ and consistent in your love towards your wife. I believe I've already made those points. Never the less, those are what will bring your wife around. Also, you need to forgive her, and avoid arguing with her. If she's angry, let her be angry, just don't kindle her anger if you can help it. She's a woman and she's going to hold on to this for a long time, or at least until she learns how to forgive and forget. You know what the worst thing you could say to her is? "Well you always bring this up..." Seriously, LET HER! Just say I'm sorry and move on.

Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13 KJV)

Anywho, you got what you need. I hope you'll be prayerful about this, and let the Lord do the work in your wifes heart. Oh, another thing, perhaps you should get some good books like "The Case for Christ" or "More Than Just a Carpenter" and leave them around somewhere as if you just got done reading them. God will use those things like a seed to spark her curiousity. Tracts are way to obvious and will likely just irritate her.

Oh and I still believe you should be going to an Independant Fundamental Baptist church on Sunday. I know that might be risky at this point, but I think it would give you something to use latter on when things smooth over with your wife. When she's calmed down over this stupid car issue you can start inviting her to church with you (Lord willing it will be one of the few churches that still does invitations and actually cares about winning souls to Christ...). Another reason for this is that YOU need the church. You shouldn't be going online and complaining about your marriage. You should be in fellowship with Bible believers who can share in this with you and offer up their prayers with you. You have no idea how priceless that is.

Well, that's all I got. Know that I'm still praying for her.

Much Love in Christ,
Stephen

[chette777]

the point of counseling is to get a mediator. That way they can talk without arguing, screaming, and fighting.

Stephanos are you married?

[MC1171611]

Originally Posted by chette777

the point of counseling is to get a mediator. That way they can talk without arguing, screaming, and fighting.

Stephanos are you married?

*hears Jeopardy song playing in background*

Sometimes it's imperative to find common ground and establish communication within a relationship; while it would be awesome to have a King James preaching Baptist pastor do the work, sometimes it's best to pick your battles down the road when it comes to getting into a church. Beating a woman over the head over something like counseling is the worst thing that could happen in this situation; in contrast, it would, like chette777 said, be best to just focus on counseling and forming a relationship basis before pushing into church attendance and other things.

Wives are delicate things and should be handled with great care and wisdom. Sometimes a bit of compromise is necessary to work things out within a marriage.